Wednesday, August 13, 2008


If anyone has, at any time, had even the slightest hint of a desire to punch me in the face. Today would be great day.

Friday, August 8, 2008

I'm Totally Working

Hello, Giant Turtle. Please don't eat me.

BeneFit of What, Exactly?

I really have nothing that important, save for my bitching...which is very important.

I went into BeneFit yesterday (for people who don't care, i.e. most of you, that's a makeup and face goo store) for no other reason than to replenish my mascara supply. Of course, before I can say Tammy Faye, I've got some 23 year old putting products on my face in the hopes that I'll see how less ugly I am wearing them, and buy them.

This is the tactic with all beauty products - telling you that you need something, but never coming outright and saying, "Good God, how do you go out in PUBLIC like that? Put this on, for all of humanity."

Ok, so I bought one of them. Whatever. I'm not made of stone.

So, as a reward for letting my checking account hemmhorage, I get a free sample of moisturizer. Thanks...didn't I just buy moisturizer? No? Ok, whatever, teen makeup queen.

The 12 year old behind the counter (it's true, they regress in age as you stand there, and you watch them get younger as you buy wrinkle cream) told me that it had a nice "pearlescent finish." In case I wanted to coat my walls with it. She then told me...

...that it was great for aging.

She said it more than once. She said it a lot. She said it so that it burned into my brain. You could say that she said it...I dunno...agey-seven times.

I finally said, "So, it's that obvious that I needed it, eh?" Without skipping a beat, the 8 year old squeaked, "We alllll need it."

Sure you do, fetus, sure you do.

I'm gonna go play shuffleboard and find ortho shoes on the intranets. You know, it's a series of tubes.