Because there really isn't an upbeat note here.
This is one of those Deep Sigh and Then Write blogs, so I'll apologize in advance. The last week has been a roller coaster of epic proportions, only without the part where you went there on purpose and it's fun.
Mom went to the hospital on Sunday. We took her there at her request, and she was sent home with a diagnosis of bronchitis, as well as a prescription for antibiotics, valium for the inflamed muscle due to coughing and an inhaler.
On Wednesday morning, she called me to tell me she had called 911 because she fell during the night. Thanks, valium combined with the nine other meds she's on. Thanks a heap.
I spent seven hours at the hospital yesterday, and my notebook is filled with worrisome scribbling about all the meds, all her illnesses and their potential interactions and the ensuing disaster therein. I was told by doctors that the benefits outweigh the risks. Up until Sunday, that's what my mom said about smoking.
Today is different.
As of today, she is better. As of today, she can sit in a chair despite a fracture in her spine. Today she can cough to get rid of the infection without hurting the tear in her shoulder muscle. Today, she gets breathing treatments every six hours and may or may not have to go into a nursing home for rehab for a while after she's released.
Today, I'm going shopping for groceries to bring her Mother's Day brunch in the hospital.
Today, I am bracing myself to see my sister again tomorrow. I don't speak to her unless my mother is ill. So I'll see her for Mother's Day...despite the fact that she doesn't celebrate it. Maybe she'll enjoy a banana muffin with cream cheese and not judge me. I doubt that.
Today, I am fighting with the man I love and I don't know why. Or maybe I do, and that makes me even sadder. I am not so easy to put up with, and when I'm in crisis I'm reeeeally not easy to put up with.
Today, I don't know what the statute of limitations is on difficult, but I'm waiting for it to run out.
Today, I will try and hang posters for an anti-suicide fundraiser I'm supposed to be helping with, but I need to go to Rogers Park and then Evanston for my mother. This has a tendency to put "helping" in a different perspective.
Today I will try to be a better person.
Because tonight, I will sing my fucking lungs out at Duke's with The Cain Mutiny. And then today can suck it.
But for now, Today, you have me. Fine.